"…And she smiles at the future." ~Proverbs 31:25

The night I always cry

I cried last night, and to be honest, it wasn’t a big surprise. I do this regularly—four times a year, to be precise. On the eve of each child’s birthday, I bawl like a baby. (In fact, just for today, I’m thinking of changing the name of my blog to “Why Amy Bawls.”)

You see, my baby girl is turning three today…

Last night of two

…so I wasn’t a bit surprised when the tears began welling up last night.

Here’s how it usually goes:

I start getting teary as I tuck the child into bed the night before his or her big day. I can’t help it—I know it will be the last time I ever get a hug from two-year-old Remi, for example…The last kiss from my two-year old…The last time to tell two-year-old Remi goodnight.

I make a valiant effort to get myself together for the sake of my (confused) child. But once she’s asleep, I sneak back into her room. As I watch her sleep, I think about what a gift this child has been to our family. I think about the day she was born, and how much she’s grown since then. I think about how fast the years are going by. And the tears return. (Does anyone else do this?)

I consider the fact that every birthday that goes by means that we are another year closer to the time when this beloved child will fly away from our little nest. (Why do I torture myself this way?)

And then, I remind myself that we really don’t know how long we’ll have any of our children—maybe for 18 years, but then again, maybe not. At this point, I fall on my knees, thanking God for every moment we’ve had with this little one so far, and begging Him for more. 

Watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest as she dreams, I am amazed that God chose to bless me in this way, and I plead with Him to help me be a better mother in the coming year than I’ve ever been before.

The GOOD thing about these quarterly crying jags is that I get all my blubbering out of my system the night before the child’s birthday, and by the next day I’m fine—happy, and ready to enjoy the day of celebration.

So no…now that I think about it, I won’t be changing my blog title after all. This is a GREAT day, and I have every reason to smile.

Thanks for stopping by!


Comments on: "The night I always cry" (4)

  1. Mike James said:

    Amy, thank you once again. You seem to verbalize my thoughts and emotions perfectly. Although I have been blessed with my gifts from God for 33 and 28 years now. And though I dont get to watch them sleep anymore as their birthdays near, I do get reflective of our lives to this point. I then tear up and thank God for them and my precious wife who I didn’t deserve (but God knew I needed). Amy, I pray you continue to cry and realize the great blessings God has given you for many years to come. It gets better and better each year. I know you do this but I love Ephesians 6:4. Thanks again Amy! Love, Mike

    • Mike, I know you were a great dad b/c I see the fruit in your children. Thanks for your encouragement and your example of a loving parent. I appreciate you!

  2. Amy, I didn’t cry at my little one’s birthdays BUT when the girls graduated from high school, I was dehydrated for a good portion of their senior years! I got shingles twice the year Stephanie got married! Thought I was over it till I went to see Toy Story 3 a couple of years ago and it all came back and I left the theater dehydrated again! The best years of my life were raising my daughters and looking back it seems like that time just flew by. I have three grandbabies now and time has gone to warp speed….Judson’s in school and Baby Jace is almost 4 months old! So treasure these years with your little ones – don’t be afraid to let them see you get teary eyed once in a while – it lets them know how much they’re loved!

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