"…And she smiles at the future." ~Proverbs 31:25

Archive for the ‘That’s funny!’ Category

Worst. Picnic. Ever.

I wake up this morning thinking, “What a gorgeous day! I should take the girls on a picnic.” So I pack up my two youngest kiddos and some grub, and we end up at this beautiful park.

minding our own biz

We’re minding our own business, just relaxing on a bench and watching graceful butterflies flit about as we enjoy our lunch in the fresh air.

And then it happens.

My twelve year old straightens suddenly and asks, “Is that…a RAT?”

And sadly, friends, it is. Yes, a RAT crouches just across the path from us, staring at us as we picnic in what now appears to be his territory.

He's watching us...

And if you know much about me, you know that this quickly becomes the shortest picnic ever.

I start yelling at the girls to “Hurry up and finish eating!” so we can get out of this ridiculously RAT-infested park. (Yes, I know we just see one at the moment…but there must be more, right? In fact, I’m seeing them everywhere I look now, and feeling them crawl up my legs, and they might even be spitting on me. Do rats spit? I’m pretty sure this one does.)

Although we can see our uninvited guest still lurking in the shadowy grass, at this point I’m thinking that maybe there’s still hope—that perhaps we can hurry up and finish and get out of here—when all of the sudden, the rat decides to leave his foxhole—and yes, that’s exactly what it is, as I’m sure he’s just waiting to attack us—and he comes right onto the path, not three feet away from my feet…or, I should say where my feet WERE, because you know I am up on that bench in no time flat.

Photo by Addison (I would NEVER have been able to hold the camera steady!)

Rat photos by Addison (I would NEVER have been able to hold the camera steady!)

Now I hear a lady from way across the park yelling, “What was THAT?” and looking in our direction. She proceeds to call out that she thinks she hears a bird that is sick or hurt. No, lady; settle down. That’s just me choking on my own screams. In the meantime, the rat is still moving toward us, and sadly enough, my five year old is cooing, “It’s OK, Mommy; it’s going to be OK.” (Hang on a minute…shouldn’t I be comforting her?)

But there is no comfort to be had. I feel sick now. My older daughter is delighted with this, because now she gets to eat my lunch. I just can’t down another bite.

He's coming! RUN!!!

He’s coming! RUN!!!

So maybe my shouts and squeals do disrupt the beautiful day at the park for every visitor within half a mile (or, as I prefer to think of it, they warn other park guests), but they also send the rat back into his hiding spot (temporarily, I’m sure). I take this opportunity to grab our stuff, jump down from the bench, and high-tail it out of there. I’m yelling to the girls to come quickly, as I’m pretty sure he’s chasing after us now. They shake their heads (as though this is funny?) but I can still feel those beady eyes boring holes through my legs and feet, which are now touching the same ground the rat is standing on. This makes me uncomfortable, to say the least.

As we rush to exit the park, I refuse to make eye contact when I pass the lady who worries about people only when she thinks they are hurt birds, but apparently doesn’t give a hoot about defenseless women and children, even after they scream, “A RAT! There’s a RAT over here!”

During our hasty retreat, my older daughter remarks, “Of all the living creatures on earth, I think the one most dangerous when frightened is YOU, Mom.” I just lock the car door, shiver, and try not to leave marks in the parking lot as we escape.

(Have I mentioned how I feel about RATS?)

The next time I wake up to a beautiful day, you can bet I’ll think twice about taking the kids out for a picnic.

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ConFOODsion

Young children pick up their native language at an astonishing rate. I am always amazed at how quickly and effortlessly they grow to understand vocabulary and syntax without any formal instruction. Of course, sometimes there are bumps along the way, which provide plenty of free entertainment for those witnessing them.

A while back Remi went through a stage where she often substituted words and phrases she knew for those that weren’t familiar or didn’t make sense to her. Here are a couple of examples:

She found a package of these ….

…. and asked, “Hey, Mommy, do you think Daddy would mind if I ate some of his Sesame Streets?”

A week later we went through the drive-through at Whataburger and got a vanilla malt, the first malt she’d ever tasted. Apparently, she liked it; the whole way home, she kept asking, “Can I have another drink of that Malt-O-Meal?”

Here’s where I’ll open it up to the rest of you: What funny things have you heard from the mouths of little ones? Please share them in the comments so we can all smile together!

(Note: Only your first comment on this blog has to be approved; all your future comments will show up automatically. So go ahead and share! It’s easy!)

Thanks for stopping by.

If Juan won a wand

“Hey,” he asked Remi, “Did you and Mommy get some pretzels at the store?”

Eyes wide, she asked, “HOW did you know that?”

He smiled, obviously enjoying her reaction. “Does it seem like I’m magic?”

“Of course not, Daddy. You can’t be magic.”

Surprised (and maybe just a little deflated), he asked, “Why not?”

“Because you’re not a ballerina!”

Now he was just confused. “What makes ballerinas magic?”

“Because they have a ‘WON’ [wand].”

(This, said in that “duh” voice you often hear from toddlers who are sure they know everything, was in reference to the scepter-type wands ballerina princesses carry. But duh, you knew that, right?)

She went on to add,

“There was a kid at PTP, and his parents named him ‘WON’ [Juan].”

There was silence, while she thought about that, followed by this conclusion:

[shrugging shoulders] “I guess they thought he was magic.”

Remi with her magic "won."

Remi with her magic “won”

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The scroll that made me smile

“Hey, Mommy,” she said, “look at my new scroll!” And she proudly held up the roll of black lawn trash bags and unrolled it for me to see. (Yes, you read that right. Trash bags.)

“What do you have there?” I asked.

She explained that it was her “scroll,” and that she was right in the middle of reading the Old Testament—specifically, the book of New Corinthians. She laid it down on the dining room table and unrolled it more, exclaiming, “Boy, I sure have a lot to read! Look, it goes all the way to this piece of cereal!” (This was said while pointing to a piece of cereal still sitting randomly on the table, long after breakfast was over. Sigh. At least it let her know just how much reading she had ahead of her.)

Throughout the day she continued reading from her scroll, occasionally stopping to struggle over “a hard word” she was reading. Although she was mainly “reading” to herself, and therefore softly, I picked up a few tidbits now and then:

“You shall not praise the Lord as a guest of Egypt.”

“[something about] members of the faith”

“Always be thankful for healthy food, and for everything you want . . . like hands.”

Eventually she decided the strain on her eyes was just too great, since the words on the scroll were written “this small” (said holding her thumb and pointer finger so close together they were almost touching). She went for her glasses, and with a sigh of relief, was able to continue reading.

I love the way this little girl’s mind works. It makes me smile! I hope you are smiling today, too.

Thanks for stopping by!

 

 

Helpful?

“Mommy! Remi is shaving her legs with her chicken strip!”

It probably should have surprised me, but it didn’t. Remington is in that stage. She wants to do the things big people do, and will attempt to accomplish that by whatever means possible.

Our Big Girl

Lately, she’s been especially anxious to “help out” around the house…if you can call it helping!

I recently caught her diligently scrubbing the bumper of our SUV…with her toothbrush.

Not long after that I found her carefully cleaning up the milk she had spilled…with her tongue.

Honestly, it’s impossible to get mad when she is so determined to help out! And of course, it makes me think, What if I were that determined to help?

In fact, what if we all wanted to help so badly that we just DID? No excuses, no “I don’t know how to fix it.” What if we just TRIED and did the best we could do, with what we have, like Remi? After all, even if the results weren’t really that helpful (like Remi’s!) to the people we wanted to help, maybe it would be good for US to have tried.

In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ (Acts 20:35)
Who could you help out today?
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A note from the hysterical committee

It’s been a hard week for me, and I know others have had it much, much worse. Sometimes we need to remember that it’s OK to smile during the hard times, too! On a recent trip to San Marcos, we went a *little* out of our way (read: New Braunfels) to visit the newly-opened, world’s largest Buc-ee’s. (Because, after all…it’s the world’s largest Buc-ee’s!) As we were leaving, I noticed this sign on the outside front wall:

(Yes, I laughed out loud. I’m sure my kids were so proud of my little public outburst!)

I do hope you’re smiling today.

Thanks for stopping by!

She’s planning her wedding

The first thing my four-year-old daughter did upon waking this morning was start planning her wedding, and I thought I’d share with you what she came up with:

The bride-to-be

Remington: the bride-to-be

She will be wearing a pink and purple wedding gown, and carrying purple roses.

She’ll also have on shiny, purple “glip gloss.”

She will be 69 years old.

Her groom will act like a gentleman, and after their kiss, he, too, will be wearing shiny, purple “glip gloss.”

Her flower girls will be her big sister (who at that time would be over 75 years old!) and Jensen, who is just a few months younger than Remi.

At her reception, olives, fish sticks, and grape cake will be served.

As she and her groom leave, wedding guests will throw flowers at the departing couple.

She will not be taking a honeymoon, because “that only happens on Dick Van Dyke.”

However, if she were to take a honeymoon, it would be to Chick-fil-A.  (But she wouldn’t go into the play area; only her children would do that.)

At this point, I asked her, “How many children do you plan to have?”

Her reply:

“A LOT! Like YOU! You love ALL your kids!”

At least she got that part right.

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