I cried last night, and to be honest, it wasn’t a big surprise. I do this regularly—four times a year, to be precise. On the eve of each child’s birthday, I bawl like a baby. (In fact, just for today, I’m thinking of changing the name of my blog to “Why Amy Bawls.”)
You see, my baby girl is turning three today…
…so I wasn’t a bit surprised when the tears began welling up last night.
Here’s how it usually goes:
I start getting teary as I tuck the child into bed the night before his or her big day. I can’t help it—I know it will be the last time I ever get a hug from two-year-old Remi, for example…The last kiss from my two-year old…The last time to tell two-year-old Remi goodnight.
I make a valiant effort to get myself together for the sake of my (confused) child. But once she’s asleep, I sneak back into her room. As I watch her sleep, I think about what a gift this child has been to our family. I think about the day she was born, and how much she’s grown since then. I think about how fast the years are going by. And the tears return. (Does anyone else do this?)
I consider the fact that every birthday that goes by means that we are another year closer to the time when this beloved child will fly away from our little nest. (Why do I torture myself this way?)
And then, I remind myself that we really don’t know how long we’ll have any of our children—maybe for 18 years, but then again, maybe not. At this point, I fall on my knees, thanking God for every moment we’ve had with this little one so far, and begging Him for more.
Watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest as she dreams, I am amazed that God chose to bless me in this way, and I plead with Him to help me be a better mother in the coming year than I’ve ever been before.
The GOOD thing about these quarterly crying jags is that I get all my blubbering out of my system the night before the child’s birthday, and by the next day I’m fine—happy, and ready to enjoy the day of celebration.
So no…now that I think about it, I won’t be changing my blog title after all. This is a GREAT day, and I have every reason to smile.